Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The things I have learned from this weekend in college football...

From the top 25 to the bottom...

1. Ohio State is just cruising. Host Penn State this weekend, which might make Joe Pa's heart start beating like this woman was walking down the street with a plate of scungilli...At Iowa next week might be a better game...

2. Auburn--Lucky but good. Ought to be on Tommy Tuberville's gravestone.

3. USC--Will they just unleash the Booty? And if Boi from Troy gets on this page, that doesn't mean you, sir..

4. West Virginia-- Greatest. Blog. Name. Ever. Team? A tad overrated, but circle November 2nd, when they travel to Louisville.

5. Florida--Nice win. Pains me to say it, but nice win.

6. Michigan--Lloyd Carr looks like the guard in every prison movie who smiles at the condemned prisoner right before he gives him the gas/injection/final cigarette. I know the maize and blue faithful like him now that he beat ND, but he just ain't right.

7. Texas--You still here? You got your trophy, Mack...time to retire.

8. Louisville--Nothing against Tom Jackson, who used to drop in the Louisville references on the mothership, but is there another team that people have no clue about but everyone is waiting to drop? I have to give them credit, they beat Miami without their best RB, but how long can this last?

9. Georgia--The Stafford era began with a moderate contraction against UAB, but with Tennessee, Florida and Auburn yet to play, wake me when they are at 9 centimeters, OK?

10. LSU--Did they get screwed by the refs? Not sure, but they have a tough road ahead with games at Tennessee and Florida.

11. Virginia Tech--The second most cupcake schedule (after West Virginia) has the Hokies looking good--At BC? Yawn. Home to Clemson? Riight. At Miami? Only if Larry Coker gives the Hurricanes guns (like this movie) and lets them win that way. At least West Virginia goes to Louisville...

12. Notre Dame--Give Charlie Weis credit for giving Michigan credit, but if Aaron Carter can get a Playboy model to marry him, then I think someone can talk about Brady Quinn's horsefaced sister.

13. Oregon--Does the fact that death threats are involved with the officiating say anything about Oregon's ranking?

14. Iowa--Lucky vs. Good. Syracuse. Iowa State. The Hawkeyes have Ohio State and Michigan in the next 6 weeks...let's talk then.

15. Tennessee--Had a chance against Florida, but taking field goals when you need TD's is always a bad idea. Got really worried about the Vols' chances when Erik Ainge started mocking the Gator Chomp when they went up by 10 points. Bad, bad idea coming off a 5-6 season, Erik.

16. TCU--I know its all about tradition, but have a hard time with a combination of purple and the words "Horned Frogs"...

17. Oklahoma--OK, I know you got screwed, Coach Visor Junior, but still, you shouldn't have been in that situation anyway...you run Adrian Peterson until he falls over, OK?

18. Florida State--If you ever wonder if a coach really doesn't pay attention, see Bobby Bowden versus his son this past weekend.

19. Clemson--Lose at BC, come back and beat FSU in Tallahassee. Can I just put the tinfoil in my hat right now?

20. Boston College--Nice win over BYU after beating Clemson, but you have Va. Tech at home and trips to Florida State and Miami on the schedule...good luck with that.

21. California--You were done in my eyes when you had two mistakes--getting smacked by Tennessee and getting preseason love from this guy.

22. Arizona State--You pick a QB yet? Good--now, you got to Cal this weekend, host Oregon the week after that and then go to USC the week after that--if you are still standing, you deserve all accolades you might get...

23. Nebraska--Does anyone else think that Bill Callahan has the best sense of timing in the world? He could be Art Shell right now...

24. Penn State--When they travel to Ohio State, will Joe Pa tell these thing to get off his lawn or he is going to call the cops?

25. Boise State--Good to see that the Smurf Turfians are doing just fine without their coach...


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